I came across this on a website. I don’t recommend you to use it in a real situation to be written in a patient’s file (in the future) because it can be unethical but I think it’s okay to use it in conversation. I might be using some of it in my blog.
It’s kinda funny…tell me which one is your favorite?
CHAOS - Chronic Hurts All Over Syndrome (PTSD/Fibromyalgia, etc.)
DIC - Death Is Coming - colloquial interpretation of the initials for Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation
LOBNH - Lights On But Nobody Home; stupid.
TEETH - Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
TUBE - Totally Unnecessary Breast Exam
GOMER - Get Out of My Emergency Room; patient, usually poor or elderly, in the emergency room with a chronic, non-emergency condition.
ALS - Absolute Loss of Sanity (nutcase). The real use is Amyothropic Lateral Sclerosis
TMB - Too Many Birthdays: person dying of "old age"
TLC - Tube, Lavage & Charcoal (given to poisoning victim)
TF BUNDY - Totally F*cked, But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet
SAS - Sick As Sh*t
PITA - Pain In The Ass
OBE - Open Both Ends (Diarrhoea and Vomiting)
MIDI - Myocardial Infarction During Intercourse (heart attack during sex)
Hi 5 - HIV positive ("V" being Roman for 5)
HAIRY PSALMS - Haven't Any Idea Regarding Your Patient, Send A Lot More Serum
CFT - Chronic Food Toxicity i.e. obesity
IDK - I Dont Know
DKA – Don’t Know Anything (originally means Diabetic Keto-Acidosis). A signal use between the doctor and med students during patient examination with family presence so the family will not think the med students is stupid.
FOS - Full of S**T (Constipated)
404 moment – On card rounds - when a patient’s medical records cannot be located (from internet error message: 404 Page Not Found)
5-H-1-T - polite medical term for SHIT
3P’s - Pill, Permissiveness and Promiscuity (relates to female patients with sexually transmitted disease).
4F - Fair, fat, female and forty OR fat, forty-ish, flatulent female (both mean abdominal pain patient who is candidate for gall bladder disease)
RELATING TO DEATH
C/C- "Cancel Christmas" (dead). Normal usage: Carbon Copy
CTD - "Circling The Drain" (expected to die soon)
ECU - Eternal Care Unit - after a patient dies, they "have been transferred to the ECU"
TERMS FOR OCCUPATION
Captain Kangaroo - head of a paediatrics department
Freud Squad - psychiatry department
Slasher - surgeon
Orthopod - orthopedist
Flea - internal medicine doctor
Stream team - the urology service collectively
Baby catcher - obstetrician
Rear Admiral - proctologist
Unclear medicine - nuclear medicine
Oligoneuronia ('few neurons') - stupid, a play on "Oligouria", i.e. not enough urine.
Pneumocephalic - stupid (means 'airhead')
Shotgun labs - to order many labs in the hope that one will be abnormal and give you a clue what is wrong with the patient.
Trauma handshake - n. a digital rectal exam. Every major trauma patient gets one.
Departure lounge - geriatric ward
Vampires - those who take blood samples, e.g. lab techs (also slang for blood donor service)
Scepticaemia - chronic condition suffered by two doctors in a debate over which therapy
Sarcoidosis - an actual disease, but a perfectly acceptable answer that may be included in ANY differential diagnosis
Pot Plant - person in a Persistant Vegetative State (often used in plural to mean coma ward)
Pillow Therapy - describes the urge to smother annoying patient (aggressive euthanasia, tontine treatment).
Mononeuronis Asynapsis - thick (one neuron, not connected!)
Michelin's Disease/Disorder - multiple spare tyres (obese)
Jack Bauer - a doctor still up and working after 24 hours (after character in "24")
God's Waiting Room - intensive care unit and/or geriatric unit
Garden - neurosurgical intensive care ward, so called because of the "vegetables" found there.
Ghost - Derogatory term for med students; they are largely invisible, are absent during difficult situations, silent when asked for volunteers and stealthily evade hard work
GI Rounds - a meal (GI = gastrointestinal)
Double Whopper with Cheese - Obese female with genital thrush
Cabbage - heart bypass i.e. CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft)
Brothel Sprouts - Genital warts
So ladies and gentlemen. Please comment which one of this is your favorite.